Old Things are Passed Away

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Today’s post delves into the spiritual journey of stepping into the new identity of becoming a mother. A calling that involves releasing the past to embrace the role God has designed. Reflecting on a vivid dream I believe God gave me in preparation for motherhood, we explore how the idea of “losing yourself” in motherhood, may actually be part of God’s process of transforming you into a vessel set apart for the sacred work of raising children to honor Him.

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Postpartum and the Death of Self: A Reflection God Gave Me on Motherhood

Over a year ago, I had a peculiar dream that stayed with me. In the dream, I had just given birth to my first child. The scene began with me waking from a nap at home, my body still aching from labor and delivery. Everything felt so vivid almost as though I were truly living it. I could feel the intense soreness my body had from labor, down to the soft skin of our precious little one snuggled against my chest. It seemed so real.

My mother came into the room shortly after I opened my eyes, crying tears of joy. She was still in disbelief that she had her first grandchild, her tears an expression of gratitude to God for blessing our family with new life. True to her nature, she quickly stepped in to help me, taking the baby from my arms to change a leaky diaper I’d put on incorrectly. She didn’t hesitate, even though it made her hands messy.

I saw my husband and other family were there as well, all full of joy and laughter. The baby was healthy, I was healthy, and we were surrounded by love. It was truly a beautiful and heartwarming scene.

However, In the quiet moments when my mother left me alone, I became aware of an odd grief stirring within me. It wasn’t sadness about my baby or my new life, but a mourning for who I used to be. A distinct phrase escaped my lips as I processed the emotion: “I’m not a kid anymore.”

In the dream, I began journaling about this feeling, trying to piece together the person I had been. Memories of carefree laughter and silly jokes with my siblings, cousins, and friends resurfaced, but they felt distant, like echoes of someone I could no longer connect with. It was a strange nostalgia, but more painful.

I remember wondering how would I fit into the same circles any more and asking my self within "Who am I now"?

It felt as if, in the moment this child entered my life, the identity I had been crafting all my life had changed, marked by a new level of maturity that felt foreign. The only way I could reconcile this change was by reminiscing about my own childhood, yet I knew deep down that a line had been drawn between who I was and who I had become.

When I say youth, I don’t mean simply getting older. It was deeper than that. It was the loss of innocence, a sudden and sobering awareness of the weight of responsibility now resting on my shoulders. The person I had carefully crafted over the years, one focused on personal ambition and self-interest, was being deconstructed piece by piece. Though it was just a dream, mourning the loss of myself felt very real.

I was witnessing a kind of death within me, a part of me being taken away.

Some might call this postpartum depression, and I did wonder if that was the case. But deep down, I knew it was something else. It was not simply a hormonal shift or an emotional low. It was a spiritual transformation, a shedding of the old.

The Making of a New Creature, A New Identity:

You see, my old self was programmed by the kind of pride that we all carry before parenthood. A pride that rests comfortably in the idea that the world revolves around us. I am not referring to arrogance in a superficial sense, but to the unspoken self-focus we all carry before we have children. It is the freedom to pursue our own interests, unburdened by the responsibility of another’s needs. This youthful pride is a kind of glory of the flesh, one that thrives on independence and self-determination. A pride that we use to craft our own identity.

But that version of me, untouched by the sacrifices of motherhood, was being stripped away, and my flesh resisted.

It was as if God was peeling back layers of my old self, exposing a pride I had unknowingly nurtured.

In its place, He was planting seeds of selflessness, meekness, and longsuffering, traits I would need for the road ahead. But my flesh clung to what it had always known. It mourned the loss of control and the fading of my former self.

Such is the nature of the flesh. It clings to the past, resists transformation, and whispers reminders of a carefree life, enticing us to hold on to what we used to be.

So, I came to realize that what I had first called mourning or even depression was actually the weight of being shaped into something new. I was being put through the refining fire to be transformed into a vessel for a greater purpose.

Though my spirit surrendered to this change, my flesh fought against it. But I knew this was a battle that had to take it's course, one I would soon overcome and be all a better for.

Letting Your Old Self Pass Away:

The dream ended abruptly, and I woke up, unsettled but fully awake. Lying there, I couldn’t shake the sense that this dream was significant, especially because the dream had other scenes that directly answered prayers my husband and I had just asked God in prayer a few days prior. Still, doubt crept in. Could this dream be from the enemy? I didn’t like what I saw, and it clashed with my expectations of motherhood being an easy and joyful transition.

Quietly, I slipped out of bed, careful not to wake my husband, I knelt on the bathroom floor to pray. I poured out my thoughts, asking God for clarity. Over time, He revealed why I needed to see this raw reality.

Becoming a mom, He showed me, is the creation of a new creature, a profound transformation that requires letting go of the old self. It’s a process that can bring a flood of emotions to the for front, but yet is essential for the calling.

As I prayed, I felt God urging me to prepare for this change even now, to embrace the shedding of self-centeredness to yield to His work in me. And to lay to rest the version of me that had been shaped by youthful independence and personal ambition for something greater.

‍Embrace “ Losing Yourself” When You Become a Mother:

And I do not believe that I am the only who will have to prepare for, and reconcile with this transition.

Every woman that enters motherhood is faced with a transformation that challenges everything she was prior, spiritually and otherwise.

It is not just about giving up free time or adjusting to new responsibilities. It is the realization that the identity carefully constructed before children, down to the way a woman dresses, the friendships she invests in, the routines she follows, and the pursuits that once defined her, and even the way people view you, will inevitably change.

The social circles that once felt like home may shift as priorities realign. The activities that once brought fulfillment may no longer fit within this new season. Even the sense of control over her own body, time, and desires begin to slip away.

It can feel like losing oneself, and the world warns women to resist that loss at all costs. Not to mention that the flesh hates giving up what it worked so hard to create.

But God calls women to see this transformation differently. Motherhood is not a loss to be feared or grieved, but a sacred invitation to lay at His feet the identity that was built on self and exchange it for something new—the ministry of motherhood.

I will add my disclaimer that this does not mean that you will lose all friendships, passions, or pursuits. God does not call women to loneliness or to abandon the gifts He has given them, but to embrace the Christ centered work that many will come to know as "mom". Some relationships will deepen, some will change, and new ones will emerge as He shapes them for this season.

We must see motherhood as a calling to trade personal glory for the eternal work of raising children for God's glory . To decrease so that Christ may increase.

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Surrendering to Motherhood Means Not Looking Back:

It's interesting that in my dream, I began to wrestle after I turned my gaze backward, clinging to the memories of a life before motherhood. This desire to revisit the past is where the battle started hindering the transformation God was doing in me. Luke 9:62 warns, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

‍Once we begin following God we are not to look back. This goes for motherhood as well. Dwelling on the past in this way, and wishing for carefree youthful days to return,  only leads to grief and doublemindedness. We are meant to embrace the present season, finding joy and contentment in the new identity He has given us.

Let the old things pass away.

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Dear Sister or perhaps even my future self, remember:

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new”

(2 Corinthians 5:17). 

Surrender to motherhood, yield fully to the woman God is making you into.

With love,
Ciara

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